Idiot’s Guide To The Universe #1

Sign #1- IDIOTS DON’T UNDERSTAND CAUSE AND EFFECT

idiot inside1

Your kid sister buys a pack of instant noodles and goes straight to the kitchen. She puts the instant noodle next to a pot, places a cup of water next to it and comes to watch a TV show with you. Five minutes later, she goes to the kitchen and then runs back to you weeping. She says she is shocked that the instant noodle has not cooked itself.

We live in a world of definite causes and near predictable effects.

When one doesn’t read for an examination and when the results are released, he sees that he fails and yet he has the audacity to express shock, I am perplexed. What did they really expect? A Nobel Prize for Peace?

Let’s say I want to get to Calabar and I go to a bus park. When I get there, I see buses with ‘Calabar’ clearly written on them but I decide instead to get on a bus with ‘Abuja’ written on it. If I get to the final destination and express genuine shock that we are not in Calabar, if I fold my hands and shake my great head with a deep sense of wonderment in my eyes and say how life is wicked for not taking me to Calabar, if I blamed the person who manufactured the bus for finding myself in Abuja, what would you call me?

Yet this is how idiots live their lives. They consistently practice things that lead them in a certain direction and when they get to their final destination, they express shock that they didn’t get somewhere else.

They are shocked that their marriages didn’t work out. They are shocked that they ended up poor and unsuccessful in life. They are shocked that they contracted a sexually transmitted disease. They are shocked that their partner dumped them and fled. They are shocked that they got sacked from work. They are shocked, shocked, shocked…

It is this habit of not connecting cause and effect that is responsible for idiots who continually repeat mistakes and never learn from the past. I told the story of a girl who first got pregnant at eighteen. Of course she was shocked when she found out she was pregnant. By twenty-one, she had three children- from three different men.  She was still unmarried. And she was still shocked!

Life is not guided by shock. Life is guided by principles. One of them is Cause and Effect. When you do this, you get that. When you don’t do this, you don’t get that. Simple.

A certain process leads to a certain outcome.

It is not a matter of shock. It is a matter of observing and obeying simple principles and getting definite results.

Two days later, after teaching your sister that noodles don’t cook themselves and that there is a process called cooking, your sister goes to buy noodles again. now, she puts the noodles very closer to the pot, puts the cup of water on top of the pot and this time adds a match box, probably inside the cup of water.

If she comes to you again, five minutes later, and cries that she did things differently this time but she still didn’t get cooked noodles. And she says she is shocked.

What would you call her?

Well, that’s how idiots sound when they never learn from the past, when they never learn cause and effect, when they are constantly looking for magical shortcuts to success and when they persist in doing foolish things in a slightly different way.

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